Album #2: First Prize Idiot, the ‘Coming of Age In a New Genre’ Album…

What started as the “spillover” album quickly turned into my favorite work yet, especially when I began to add some of my more recent writings, a modernized and improved approach to writing in this genre. Some of my favorite writings are included in this epic collection.

Originated as “Oohs, Ahhs and Nah-Nah-Nahs”, which spilled over into two volumes, fast became two records: the premiere “Whining and Pining” and a followup called “First Prize Idiot“, named for its title track “Prize Idiot” among a collection of “idiot” songs about the illogic stupidities of life.

From “Left, Right and Center(fold)“, a song that ended up being a sort of sequel to J. Geils’ “Centerfold” (not planned but just turned out that way), to the composition about belittlement, emasculation and cancellation of men entitled “Island of Misfit Boys” and, from the gaslighting undertones of “Not So Into You“, to the blatant “You Can’t Fix Stupid“, First Prize Idiot has quite a thematic axe to grind while managing to keep within the playful and fun nature of the genre.

This was also my first foray into writing a male-female duet in the genre which was both fun and fulfilling, having had the pleasure to work with a true professional, vocalist Veronika Naumova, who so graciously accepted my invite to perform on the track “All the Way“. She CRUSHED it on all first takes and I am ever humbled by her endless talents! Veronika’s similar tastes to mine within this genre, favoriting the likes of All Time Low, early Demi Lovato, Paramore and beyond, a brilliant spirit of synergy was released.

And so, I present with extreme pride, “First Prize Idiot“!

The Album Demo Recording and Lyrics

Here is a master player with lyrics below it. Press “Play” and then scroll to read the lyrics in order.

Song Lyrics by Track

Press play on the player above and scroll through the lyric compilation in order below.

Left, Right and Center(fold)

There was a time
you wouldn’t see
a hundred sixty-seven girls
filling hand-held screens
Maybe here or there,
posing to be seen
by a peeping few
periodically, but now it’s…

Just her and her phone
and her beach bod
and those who follow,
showing skin, tan,
copper tone,
tagging sun, fun
and YOLO
as she bears everything
to the world
left, right and center(fold)
left, right and center(fold)
left, right and center(fold)
Left, right…

No freeze-frame clicks,
just some clips on-screen,
long after J Geils
saw that girlie magazine
That three-page spread,
now an endless feed
running twenty-four hours,
seven days a week, and now it’s…

Just her and her phone
and her beach bod
and those who follow,
showing skin, tan,
copper tone,
tagging sun, fun
and YOLO
as she bears everything
to the world…

Staple creases notwithstanding,
came up with new pinup branding
Fallen angels now the rising breed
but in everyone’s feed!

Just her and her phone
and her beach bod
and those who follow,
showing skin, tan,
copper tone,
tagging sun, fun
and YOLO
#SMASHTAG!

Island of Misfit Boys

I stuck my foot in my mouth not long ago
changed direction because I didn’t know,
You were thinking that my feelings weren’t so
and cast me off the mainland
My own insular archipelago,
found myself cast away below skid row,
involuntarily packed as ship’s cargo
and stamped an ass of a man

It’s not a wonder that I’d end up alone
or branded an outcast and uncondoned
but exiled to go live with “my own kind”

You don’t want to see me
You just want to freely
poise your point of view
and spew a lot of dipshit noise
Won’t defend me,
you just want to end me
Send me off to an
island of misfit boys
island of misfit boys
island of misfit boys
island of misfit boys
island of misfit boys

You overstepped your bounds and aren’t done
but I’m the one that’s bound for oblivion
Tried to make me fold like an accordion
and crush my boyish features
And here I am the cheese that stands alone,
a bombing comic without a microphone
But it’s not funny and I didn’t get the joke
that I’ve become this creature

Try to delete me from all humanity
atop your high horse of crapshoot vanity
and get me to vacate your “perfect life”

Laurel

It was April,
went right through me,
on the airplane,
saw right through me,
and the late nights
at the plaza,
me and Laurel
under the stars!

It was April
and it went right through me
like light through space
(POETRY!)
Those words you wrote and sent to me
read on my face

And, oh Laurel,
I completed your sonnet
what else can I say?
And, oh, Laurel,
is this how you want it,
is this okay,
Laurel,
with me here and you away?
(WAY!)

On the airplane
you saw right through me
and I saw stars
(RIGHT THROUGH ME!)
And who knew,
across this distance,
we’d come so far?

And, oh Laurel,
I completed your sonnet
what else can I say?
And, Laurel,
is this how you want it,
is this okay,
Laurel,
with me here and you away?
(WAY!)

The star-filled nights at “the Plaza”
lit by the whites of our eyes,
Strangely warm in the freezing cold,
in your arms,
with your words on my mind…
(I’M FREEZING!)

And, oh Laurel,
I completed your sonnet
what else can I say?
And, Laurel,
is this how you want it,
is this okay,
Laurel,
with me here and you away?

…April,
went right through me,
on the airplane,
saw right through me,
and the late nights
at the plaza,
me and Laurel
under the stars!

Felix and Allie

Midnight, Central Park
out making angels in the snow
She eats dinner that he brought her
while Dougie waits home alone
He just won’t connect just
the phenomenon that’s goin’ on
with Allie’s new friend
and how they carry on and on
‘cause

Inappropriately he’s a
hands-on kind of friend
Her Incipient infidelity,
uncomfortable to no end
Flaunt uncaringly,
for a captive audience
Empathetically wonder why
Dougie can’t contend that

Felix and Allie are
all palsy-walsy
They’re all touchy-feely
So awkward to behold
They don’t try and hide it
Sees them but just denies it
without a clue or feeling
as Felix and Allie carry on
So awkward to behold
as Felix and Allie carry on
all palsy-walsy
as Felix and Allie carry on

Not So Into You

Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah,
Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah,
Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah,

I’m left in suspension and
my mind just floats away
while something that you mention
didn’t land so well with me
So, to protect your best intentions
you explain it all away
Suggest it’s my attention deficit
Oh, Hell, you say!
What convenient explanation,
what an easy mark to make
What a simple incantation,
but, hell, for heaven’s sake,
you’re crazy!

Label me ADD when
I don’t hear a thing you’re spewing
Can’t you see that it’s not me that’s
doing what you say I’m doing?
Distracting me, disorderly, say
my attention’s not attracted,
focusing on you and you and you,
but think it through…
I’m not so into you!
Not ADD to tell the truth,
disorder-free, not into you,
(You’re) so dead to me,
labeled by you as ADD,
not into you,
I’m so not into you,
I don’t listen to you,
I don’t know what to say

Deficit of my affection seems
to you as some disease
Can’t elicit my attention so
you label as you please
But you forget to mention that
it happens all the time, that
while you vie for my attention
it’s not yours, it’s mine!
What supreme evaluation,
what a pompous thing to say
What extreme retaliation
‘cause you can’t get your way,
and blame me!

You try to make me M-A-D
and it’s just so S-A-D
that, by your terms, how O-C-D
and P-T-S-D you turn out to be
when it’s me who’s not so into you…

All the Way (feat. Veronika Naumova)

Yours and my plenty chances
merge our circumstances
Less than six, six degrees,
six degrees away, hey!

I’ve walked this mile so many times,
Worn good shoes but worn out my mind
despite my better sense of pride,
I stood around here waiting,
strongly anticipating
that, though you may be out there dating,
you’re close enough to my vicinity

You and I’ve got plenty chances
to merge our separate circumstances
We’re only less than six degrees away
Here on paper, anyway, we add up
hey, what do you say we
make all of our waiting end today
and go all the way?
go all the way
go all the way…

I’ve walked the mile you asked me to
and roamed a while in road-worn shoes
What more is there that I can do
to put to you more plainly,
that you’ve got me contemplating
that there’s one clear choice remaining?
Why else would I come from this far away?

You and I’ve got plenty chances
to merge our separate circumstances
We’re only less than six degrees away
Here on paper, anyway, we add up
hey, what do you say we
make other boys you’re/[I’m] dating go away,
and go all the way?
go all the way
go all the way…

I’ll meet you half way
if you want to be with me

It would be okay
if you stood less distantly

If I had my way
I would take it off maybe

If you’d only say
what I think you wanna say

If we’d come this far,
could we make it all the way?

What do you think are the chances
that under different circumstances
we’d be less than six degrees away?
It makes sense, we crunched the numbers,
to end suspense we’re living under,
make all of our waiting end today
and go all the way,
all the way,
all the way,
go ll the way

Hey, hey, hey, hey
Go all the way!

Sideways Eight

Sideways eight!

Nah-nah-nah, nah-nah-nah
Nah-nah-nah, nah-nah
Nah-nah-nah, nah-nah-nah
Nah-nah-nah, nah-nah
Nah-nah-nah, nah-nah-nah
Nah-nah-nah, nah-nah
Nah-nah-nah, nah-nah-nah
Nah-nah-nah, nah-nah

Your first impression
is something hard to forget
Been tryin’ to find the words for years
but can’t explain yet
Turn it backward,
turn it upside down
It’s always flowing
You always leave it showing

Waited a whole year
before I realized that
I must be crazy
if I don’t just recognize that
You play it so cool
You even play it down
It keeps on flowing
You always leave it showing

You bear a mark that few will see,
but more so wear it on your sleeve
From your head to your infinity,
no, you can’t hide your sideways eight,
your sideways eight,
your sideways eight,
sideways eight!

I feel so light,
Got to hold tight
as your beams of light
forever travel space so bright
They’re never gonna end!

You bear a mark that few will see,
but more so wear it on your sleeve
From your head to your infinity, no,
you can’t hide your sideways eight,
your sideways eight,
your sideways eight,
sideways, sideways eight!
You bear a mark that few will see,
but more so wear it on your sleeve
From your head to your infinity,
no, you can’t hide your sideways eight,
your sideways eight,
your sideways eight,
your sideways eight

Your-Side-Ways-Eight!

Nah-nah-nah, nah-nah-nah
Nah-nah-nah, nah-nah
Nah-nah-nah, nah-nah-nah
Nah-nah-nah, nah-nah
Nah-nah-nah, nah-nah-nah
Nah-nah-nah, nah-nah
Nah-nah-nah, nah-nah-nah
Nah-nah-nah

Sideways eight!

Shelly Tonight

Hey, Shelly, are you
craving something more?
Just tell me,
should I pray for
what’s in store?
You amaze me,
as you emanate your hue,
and I’m half kray-kray,
for what it makes me wanna do!

What kind of big thing
have we gotten us into?
Don’t care, Shelly, cause
what else we gonna do?
Departing airplanes out our window
have landed me with you,
arms around your waist,
hold your hand,
enjoying the view

These Swedish meatballs
and chocolate cake
aren’t some Scottish flight
we hopped by mistake
For all intents and purposes,
and our little circumstance
Shelly, tonight
we’ll have half a chance…

Shelly, tonight,
we expect it stays unspoken
these private things we do
that feel so right
Shelly, tonight, eons end
with us unbroken
Such little time but
I hope it takes all night
I hope it might
Shelly, tonight,
yeah, yeah
Shelly, tonight,
oh all night…

Hey, Shelly, on the fringes,
you radiate like sun
You compel me, as
my hinges, they come undone
On this freezing winter night,
I shiver, overcome
by, at this evening hour, oh,
what’s this we’ve just begun?

And when on the docks
we moved closer in,
December, cold, dark, six pm,
it felt like when I first kissed
that high school girl I can’t forget
Shelly, tonight
we’ve got no regrets!

Shelly, tonight,
we expect it stays unspoken
these private things we do
that feel so right
Shelly, tonight, eons end
with us unbroken
Such little time but
I hope it takes all night
I hope it might,
Shelly, tonight,
yeah, yeah
Shelly, tonight,
oh all night
Shelly, tonight!

She’s a Closet Babe

She dresses up so hammy,
but I’ve seen her Instagrammy
She’s not fooling me so spare me
as I look at her
and see through her disguise
and can’t believe my eyes
or believe otherwise,
all to my surprise…

She’s working there to serve me
while she cloaks good looks superbly,
flashing grins that are concerning,
as I stare and think that
there is more to see,
in her closet cunningly,
hanging there suspendedly,
flashing me invitingly, yeah

She’s such a closet babe
She’s such a closet babe
She’s such a closet babe
Yeah, she’s a closet babe

She’s such a closet hottie, yeah
Her sightings are so spotty
but I’d like to see a lotty more
of her, quite honestly
And just like three-card Monte,
when I realize I forgotty,
she shows up at a party
proving she’s a closet babe
She’s a closet babe
She’s a closet babe
Closet babe
Closet babe

Maybe if funds would allot me
she would step aboard my yachty
and she wouldn’t be so snotty
as she goes astern
and wind catches her hair,
as I man the con and stare,
following her anywhere
to reveal what’s really there

Signals she’s been sending
are incessantly ending up
in changes so mind-bending,
just when she kicks back
and she lets down her hair,
showing nothing can compare
to her poshest closet wear
There’s a hottie under there…

She’s such a closet babe
She’s such a closet babe
She’s such a closet babe
Yeah, she’s a closet babe

Backup

Endless ages, turning pages,
defying sages, earning wages
and still come home alone,
I tell you, it’s been rough
Your “friend arrangements”,
damage containments
and false engagements,
who could blame me
for clutching to my phone
to see if you hit me up?

On your side, hope it works out
this time for you,
but if you find you
just can’t see it through,

Oh please,
can I be your backup,
fail-safe, squeeze,
if it doesn’t work out
with what you’ve got
or you start to have
doubts whether or not?
‘cause, you see,
I could pull you
back up immediately
from where you fell down,
it’s just your luck,
and there’s no one around,
I’m your backup

Wonder why you always try to
climb so high that I can’t find you
anywhere I look
as far as you’re concerned,
Your head is clouded,
and how it sounded,
when he was outed
for what you found
in love that you mistook,
and got you burned

I’ll get behind
whatever you decide to do,
but if you find
you just can’t see it through,

(All day!) Whether 4 in the morning,
(Sun rays!) or when the sun starts dawning
(All day!) I will be whining, pining
(Sun rays!) until the sun stops shining
(Someday!) And when you come out the other end,
(Okay!) when your end of days descend
(No way!) You’ll turn around and
I’ll be just back of you (Yay!)

Can I be your backup,
fail-safe, squeeze,
if it doesn’t work out
with what you’ve got
or you start to have
doubts whether or not?

Prize Idiot

Sitting in the garage
jump-starting old school buses
for lack of anything else to do
My shambles, life collage
un-charming, uncool toughness,
not asking anything of you

And I had all but given up
and it’s so sad but true enough
Drives me mad how you do this stuff,
and you just eat me up

Given up, true enough,
drive me mad and do your stuff
had it up to here, enough,
I won’t be your prize idiot
Rile me up, you ain’t so tough
And I don’t sense you easing up
I feel fine but in my gut
I know I’m no prize idiot
I’m no prize idiot
I’m no prize idiot
I’m no prize idiot…

Come here and grind my gears
out of air, no spare tires
I’m fucked up beyond what repair can do
Cleaned up and washed my hands
except for grime gets underneath my nails
and still shows through

And I had all but given up
and it’s so sad but true enough,
Drives me mad how you do this stuff,
and you just eat me up

Award my sense of pride, idiot proof
Accord me by surprise, I’m not a goof
Ignore my forward strides in walking shoes
‘Cause I don’t want the prize of prize idiot

Rhyme Heals All Wounds

You left LA wildfires,
Oregon tags since expired,
headed southeast, out of season,
all without rhyme and no reason
Let’s go! (Come on!)

Increasing space, give it more time,
patiently wait, doesn’t go right
Radio streams while your heart sings,
making whole these injured heartstrings
Makes disbelief of healing time,
‘cause you know…

Time may break you,
but rhyme heals all wounds
if you’ll listen up
and let it just play out, remember,
Trials may plague you
but rhyme heals all wounds
It sounds good to you
when rhyme heals all your wounds

Wash your hair out, rinse and repeat
from your takedown, cut so deeply
Change your style, cut and color
for a short while duck and cover
Let go… (Come on, let it go!)

Stop your waiting, don’t stick it out
Don’t go straining or live without
this resilience comes in no time
and the brilliance, almost divine
And, if you can’t bear another day,
just realize…

Time may break you,
but rhyme heals all wounds
if you’ll listen up
and just let it play out, remember,
Trials may plague you
but rhyme heals all wounds
It sounds good to you
when rhyme heals all your wounds
It sounds good to you
when rhyme heals all your wounds

You Missed Me

You can entertain the notion
that you’ll get your hooks in me
but just sustain your forward motion
and confront reality
You can aggravate my demons
but you’ll never get to me,
You can’t motivate my screaming
clever as you wanna be

Swing your sticks and throw your stones
and bring your hammer down and see
Ten feet tall you’ll break my balls
but miss my head entirely
You can stir up bad emotion,
demon fucking bones will creak
but when you think your commotion
breaks my spirit, you will see,

Sure, you got a rise,
but that’s me in your skies…

You missed me,
you missed me
Now you’ll have to
kiss me goodbye
call me “History”
and take your part
in my archives,
You missed me…

Peter Piper picking pecks of
pickled peppers quietly
even had his share of people,
pick him apart violently
Sally and her sea shell store
assured of her propriety
tried to find her way ashore
to pickets screaming angrily

Burger joints and ocean points
and vistas of my peaceful scene,
an interruption waiting,
someone else’s opportunity
to be a nuisance, my insouciance
standing, notwithstandingly,
Swing your noose but it comes loose
‘cause you set all my demons free

Sure, your terror thrives,
But that’s me in your skies

You missed me,
you missed me
Now you’ll have to
kiss me goodbye
call me “History”
and take your part
in my archives,
You missed me…

You Can’t Fix Stupid

Stupid does as stupid is…

You can fix my wagon, be the man,
You can fix it so I’ve got no leg to stand
But, try as you may, as hard as you can,
you can’t fix one thing with clever plans

You just can’t do it,
you can’t fix stupid,
stupid, stupid, yeah
No, you can’t fix stupid,
no, you can’t
Stupid…
Fix stupid,
no, you can’t

Stupid is as stupid does
Stupid is as stupid does
Stupid is as stupid does
Stupid is as stupid does
Stupid does…

You can fix your gaze on her tonight
You can fix her breakfast
by the dawn of morning light
But try as you may, as hard as you might,
you can’t fix it no matter how you fight

You just can’t do it,
you can’t fix stupid,
stupid, stupid, yeah
No, you can’t fix stupid,
no, you can’t
Stupid…
Fix stupid,
no, you can’t